Rebirth....

Did well at the gym today.  I was on the treadmill for about 40 minutes and did 2 miles, then, worked on the machines.  The treadmill time went so quickly, as I was reading my Harry Potter book.  Definitely doing that more often.  I feel good about it. 

It's new to our program that I don't stay present at the kids visits, which gives me now, starting this month, 2 - 3 hour spans of time to myself.  We just started this last week.... Well, I was invited to come along to the kids' visit with their bio parents by their father.  I had already made these plans for myself though, so I kept them.  I went to the gym, bought some new running shoes, and got some Subway.  I would've loved to have gone with the kids, but I have to start making some commitments to my health and keeping them.  I am so fucking sick of being sick.  Months upon months... 

Hoping to speak with our case manager soon.  Need to talk about my concerns.  Nothing major... just need to talk it out.  We love these kids so much and want to see the best for them happen... whatever that looks like in the end.  I want them to be happy, safe, healthy, loved, cherished, everything wonderful... 

Mumbo Jumbo...

Renewed my gym membership today...  I'm sticking with the one I went to before.  My emotional eating is getting out of control again and I just can't ruin the body that I paid for.  Yes, it was still in need of some work... but, I can't be stretching things back out.

I went to the dentist today and had 2 fillings fixed.  I haaaaaate going to the dentist.  My anxiety around all things dentist is just horrible.  I swear, she had to jam that needle into my jaw joint.  It hurts. 

Dave and I went out to dinner for his birthday... a few days after.  It was the 1st time we'd been out alone together for a few hours since last Christmas.  My husband is not a talker, but that's ok.  The conversation that we did have and also the moments of quiet, together, were great.  We do need this time to connect.  I am thinking we need more of it, too. 

My birthday is next.  37!  Jesus!  Where does the time go?  I'm going to have a 19 year old daughter shortly after my birthday. 

The pumpkins...  still doing pretty well.  Still having visits with parents.  We're up to twice a week for 3 hours.  We were at twice a week for 2 hours.  I am thankful that the reunification process is gradual.  This is going to be crazy hard for everyone.  Little guy still says that he is not going to go.  Now he says that it's not, "part of his story and it's not true."  He's such a bright little boy... sad, having to think about this kind of thing when all he should have to think about is Caillou, being a firefighter, and how fast he can ride his bike through the circle of the house.  I digress.

Baby just fell asleep... Shower time.  Tomorrow, we have visit and I am going to hit the gym.  Carting along 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' for my time on the treadmill.  Hoping for Ambien to work tonight.

xo

Sweeping away the cobwebs....

I'm thinking that this may be a therapeutic place to record my thoughts and feelings as we enter through the hardest part of the fostering process, possibly nearing reunification.  I have so many feelings, things I want to say, and things I'm not sure about....  So many what if's....  Right now, everything is just a big jumble.  Hoping to start tomorrow, getting down to the nitty gritty.  I want to remember every single moment, but that gets hard sometimes with everything else still going on around me.  This, if kept, could be a blessing. 

One thing is for sure... As sure as I am breathing... I LOVE THESE KIDS!

2nd Wellness Bridge appt... 2 weeks later

I was down 10 inches and 3 pounds.

Today, I got on the Treadclimber for the 1st time in forever.  I did 517 (ish) on it and then I pushed the trendles down (to make it a treadmill)  and walked for an hour and 7 minutes.  It was 2.5 miles.  I broke a sweat.  It was good!  My goal is to do this at least 3-4x a week.  Maybe a goal for naptime if both babies go down at the same time.    They say that the Treadclimber is "low impact," but, if you are out of shape, it is NOT low impact.  It feels the same as an elliptical.. lung burn, ouchie knees and all !!!!

I didn't eat well today.  We had mom & daughter day, and, I just didn't.  Tomorrow is another day.  I am proud of me!!!! 

Wellness Bridge - Day 1

I went to see Judi today.  It's exciting starting on this road to health again.  I haven't seen her since the foster kids came (October 2010).  There's no way I could've done this emotionally, physically, or logistically until now.  I love that seeing her is like seeing a friend.  I'm dehydrated, constipated, and just a mess on top of being sick and some other things...  The lack-of-gallbladder and what it's done for me, specifically, complicates things.  I am a few pounds lighter than last time and we made some goals for this week. 

• Cut back on all soda consumption
• Cut out the sports drinks (gatorade/power ade) all together
• Fiber, fiber, fiber
• Good protein

I still have 'stuff' going on... always will... but I am more ready now than I have been for months. 

The Minus One Project.....

I love my new Tee!  If you'd like one, too, you can find them here : http://minus1project.blogspot.com/2011/04/one-stop-shop.html

There are many other items as well... This is an adoption fundraiser. 

4.2.11 Something Beautiful - Hail Storm