Mumbo Jumbo...

Renewed my gym membership today...  I'm sticking with the one I went to before.  My emotional eating is getting out of control again and I just can't ruin the body that I paid for.  Yes, it was still in need of some work... but, I can't be stretching things back out.

I went to the dentist today and had 2 fillings fixed.  I haaaaaate going to the dentist.  My anxiety around all things dentist is just horrible.  I swear, she had to jam that needle into my jaw joint.  It hurts. 

Dave and I went out to dinner for his birthday... a few days after.  It was the 1st time we'd been out alone together for a few hours since last Christmas.  My husband is not a talker, but that's ok.  The conversation that we did have and also the moments of quiet, together, were great.  We do need this time to connect.  I am thinking we need more of it, too. 

My birthday is next.  37!  Jesus!  Where does the time go?  I'm going to have a 19 year old daughter shortly after my birthday. 

The pumpkins...  still doing pretty well.  Still having visits with parents.  We're up to twice a week for 3 hours.  We were at twice a week for 2 hours.  I am thankful that the reunification process is gradual.  This is going to be crazy hard for everyone.  Little guy still says that he is not going to go.  Now he says that it's not, "part of his story and it's not true."  He's such a bright little boy... sad, having to think about this kind of thing when all he should have to think about is Caillou, being a firefighter, and how fast he can ride his bike through the circle of the house.  I digress.

Baby just fell asleep... Shower time.  Tomorrow, we have visit and I am going to hit the gym.  Carting along 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' for my time on the treadmill.  Hoping for Ambien to work tonight.

xo

So much for the "spill proof" snack cup....

.... and I don't care.  She had fun.  That's all that matters.  My baby genius figured it out.  I guess you could say that I've become more easy going now by kids #5 and #6.  I sure hope so.  If they remember anything about their time with us, I'd want it to be that they were loved beyond measure, safe, and they had fun, while still learning to be kind, loving people.  They are AH-MAZING!

We're preparing for baby pumpkin's birthday party.  It's very soon!  It's such an honor to be doing this for her.  It will be pink and princess and cupcake-y!  I hope that she'll surprise everyone and walk while she's there.  We're SO close.  ,

Big-ger pumpkin is taking his nap.  How he needs his rest!  It's been an emotional few days.  I have to acknowledge that while this has been one of the most rewarding things we've ever done, it's also been one of THE hardest thing we've ever done.  You have to do it with your whole heart.  You owe that to them.  We l-o-v-e them.  Big time.  We know that it will most likely come to an end someday.  We will try to prepare for that....  How do you ever prepare for that?!  I recently asked another seasoned foster parent how you get through it....  She said it's awful, it's horrible, it never gets easier, but you just move forward and you do it for the kids.  I know that's what we'll do.  Having been a surrogate mother twice, having carried other peoples' children in my body and then proudly sent them home, we somehow thought that it would make all of this "fostering stuff" easier.  It doesn't.  It's so different when you are actually parenting the children.  The bond is much more different and much more intense.  I felt protective of those babies while they were in my body and would do anything for them....  This feeling is different.  They are more real, looking into their little faces every day.  

We'll do whatever it takes.....  with unconditional love, kindness, empathy, devotion, grace, understanding, and patience....