Rebirth....

Did well at the gym today.  I was on the treadmill for about 40 minutes and did 2 miles, then, worked on the machines.  The treadmill time went so quickly, as I was reading my Harry Potter book.  Definitely doing that more often.  I feel good about it. 

It's new to our program that I don't stay present at the kids visits, which gives me now, starting this month, 2 - 3 hour spans of time to myself.  We just started this last week.... Well, I was invited to come along to the kids' visit with their bio parents by their father.  I had already made these plans for myself though, so I kept them.  I went to the gym, bought some new running shoes, and got some Subway.  I would've loved to have gone with the kids, but I have to start making some commitments to my health and keeping them.  I am so fucking sick of being sick.  Months upon months... 

Hoping to speak with our case manager soon.  Need to talk about my concerns.  Nothing major... just need to talk it out.  We love these kids so much and want to see the best for them happen... whatever that looks like in the end.  I want them to be happy, safe, healthy, loved, cherished, everything wonderful... 

Mumbo Jumbo...

Renewed my gym membership today...  I'm sticking with the one I went to before.  My emotional eating is getting out of control again and I just can't ruin the body that I paid for.  Yes, it was still in need of some work... but, I can't be stretching things back out.

I went to the dentist today and had 2 fillings fixed.  I haaaaaate going to the dentist.  My anxiety around all things dentist is just horrible.  I swear, she had to jam that needle into my jaw joint.  It hurts. 

Dave and I went out to dinner for his birthday... a few days after.  It was the 1st time we'd been out alone together for a few hours since last Christmas.  My husband is not a talker, but that's ok.  The conversation that we did have and also the moments of quiet, together, were great.  We do need this time to connect.  I am thinking we need more of it, too. 

My birthday is next.  37!  Jesus!  Where does the time go?  I'm going to have a 19 year old daughter shortly after my birthday. 

The pumpkins...  still doing pretty well.  Still having visits with parents.  We're up to twice a week for 3 hours.  We were at twice a week for 2 hours.  I am thankful that the reunification process is gradual.  This is going to be crazy hard for everyone.  Little guy still says that he is not going to go.  Now he says that it's not, "part of his story and it's not true."  He's such a bright little boy... sad, having to think about this kind of thing when all he should have to think about is Caillou, being a firefighter, and how fast he can ride his bike through the circle of the house.  I digress.

Baby just fell asleep... Shower time.  Tomorrow, we have visit and I am going to hit the gym.  Carting along 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' for my time on the treadmill.  Hoping for Ambien to work tonight.

xo

The Wellness Bridge - Meet Judi Hladek, my hero!

The Wellness Bridge's mission statement is this...

"The Wellness Bridge will provide people with a connection between health
and wellness through education, motivation, guidance, encouragement, and compassion
so that they can help themselves achieve the goal of physical, psychological, and
spiritual wellness."

"The Wellness Bridge will empower people to be well in body, mind, and spirit now and in future generations...."

And she stands by that.  In my weakest moments, she's there to help pick myself up and show me that we are all human.  Sometimes, I am just going to eat that cookie.  And that's okay.  She put up with my times of resistance with a smile on her face and she's also the first person to enthusiastically congratulate me on my accomplishments, no matter how small or how large it may be. 

What words could be said about Judi that could ever describe what she means to the people she helps... ? The people she helps to find the power inside of themselves to save their own lives... To "Be Well." Angel, mentor, coach, guide, teacher, miracle maker... Those would all cover how we feel about Judi. But, I am so, so honored to be able to call her my FRIEND...

A wise person once said, "To the world, you may be one person.  But to one person, you may be the world."  Judi, YOU have changed my life... just by being there, teaching me, listening to me when I needed that more, and believing in me.  I could never say thank you enough for being my partner in saving my life and the lives of my children.  I <3 you!!!