Day 2.5

Yesterday, I tried to start off with the mean green juice.  I couldn't get it down.  I think it was the celery.  It honestly smelled like vomit.  Which is peculiar, as I do like celery.  Last night, I was back to carrot, apple, pear. 

Today, I juiced breakfast, had veggies for lunch & dinner, and will juice again tonight.  I made a delicious cucumber, tomato, red onion salad with apple cider vinegar. 

No bowel issues as of yet, but I did have a bit of a stomach ache last night. 

So far, so good.  Today, I have been more hungry than I was yesterday.  Definitely need to up the water.  I hate water. 

Down to 201.4

Juicing 101

Today, I started a new venture...  Juicing!

I've gained 10 pounds back and you can really tell by looking at me.  Sheesh.  Was almost back down to a size 12.  That was short lived, but expected with all that has been going on around here. 

My 1st juiced beverage was comprised of 5 carrots, 3 small oranges, and a lemon.  Not bad.  Upon recommendation, I am using the  Breville Juice Fountain.  That thing is amazing and clean up was a snap!  woot! 

Starting back at 203.  Too worn out to do measurements right now.... 

Deja Vu!

Seems things are kicking up again with the little guy...  I hate to see him struggling with all of his fears and anxities.  We'll get him through this.  I think he feels that a change is coming.  It may be.  At this point, it's still kinda early to tell. 

I've been hitting the gym as much as I possibly can and I'm loving it!  I tag my Facebook so that I can look back and see how I did in any given week.... It's also great motivation.

I'm getting a new tattoo on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!  So excited.  This one isn't going to be big or anything.  But, special to me.

I also want to say publically that I love my husband so much.  He is so supportive of anything that I want to do, he's an amazing dad, and amazing foster dad, and a wonderful husband and partner.  I can't imagine my life without him.  I don't give him the credit he deserves, and that is going to start changing.  He rocks my world. 

Rebirth....

Did well at the gym today.  I was on the treadmill for about 40 minutes and did 2 miles, then, worked on the machines.  The treadmill time went so quickly, as I was reading my Harry Potter book.  Definitely doing that more often.  I feel good about it. 

It's new to our program that I don't stay present at the kids visits, which gives me now, starting this month, 2 - 3 hour spans of time to myself.  We just started this last week.... Well, I was invited to come along to the kids' visit with their bio parents by their father.  I had already made these plans for myself though, so I kept them.  I went to the gym, bought some new running shoes, and got some Subway.  I would've loved to have gone with the kids, but I have to start making some commitments to my health and keeping them.  I am so fucking sick of being sick.  Months upon months... 

Hoping to speak with our case manager soon.  Need to talk about my concerns.  Nothing major... just need to talk it out.  We love these kids so much and want to see the best for them happen... whatever that looks like in the end.  I want them to be happy, safe, healthy, loved, cherished, everything wonderful... 

Mumbo Jumbo...

Renewed my gym membership today...  I'm sticking with the one I went to before.  My emotional eating is getting out of control again and I just can't ruin the body that I paid for.  Yes, it was still in need of some work... but, I can't be stretching things back out.

I went to the dentist today and had 2 fillings fixed.  I haaaaaate going to the dentist.  My anxiety around all things dentist is just horrible.  I swear, she had to jam that needle into my jaw joint.  It hurts. 

Dave and I went out to dinner for his birthday... a few days after.  It was the 1st time we'd been out alone together for a few hours since last Christmas.  My husband is not a talker, but that's ok.  The conversation that we did have and also the moments of quiet, together, were great.  We do need this time to connect.  I am thinking we need more of it, too. 

My birthday is next.  37!  Jesus!  Where does the time go?  I'm going to have a 19 year old daughter shortly after my birthday. 

The pumpkins...  still doing pretty well.  Still having visits with parents.  We're up to twice a week for 3 hours.  We were at twice a week for 2 hours.  I am thankful that the reunification process is gradual.  This is going to be crazy hard for everyone.  Little guy still says that he is not going to go.  Now he says that it's not, "part of his story and it's not true."  He's such a bright little boy... sad, having to think about this kind of thing when all he should have to think about is Caillou, being a firefighter, and how fast he can ride his bike through the circle of the house.  I digress.

Baby just fell asleep... Shower time.  Tomorrow, we have visit and I am going to hit the gym.  Carting along 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' for my time on the treadmill.  Hoping for Ambien to work tonight.

xo

Sweeping away the cobwebs....

I'm thinking that this may be a therapeutic place to record my thoughts and feelings as we enter through the hardest part of the fostering process, possibly nearing reunification.  I have so many feelings, things I want to say, and things I'm not sure about....  So many what if's....  Right now, everything is just a big jumble.  Hoping to start tomorrow, getting down to the nitty gritty.  I want to remember every single moment, but that gets hard sometimes with everything else still going on around me.  This, if kept, could be a blessing. 

One thing is for sure... As sure as I am breathing... I LOVE THESE KIDS!

2nd Wellness Bridge appt... 2 weeks later

I was down 10 inches and 3 pounds.

Today, I got on the Treadclimber for the 1st time in forever.  I did 517 (ish) on it and then I pushed the trendles down (to make it a treadmill)  and walked for an hour and 7 minutes.  It was 2.5 miles.  I broke a sweat.  It was good!  My goal is to do this at least 3-4x a week.  Maybe a goal for naptime if both babies go down at the same time.    They say that the Treadclimber is "low impact," but, if you are out of shape, it is NOT low impact.  It feels the same as an elliptical.. lung burn, ouchie knees and all !!!!

I didn't eat well today.  We had mom & daughter day, and, I just didn't.  Tomorrow is another day.  I am proud of me!!!!